His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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