I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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