New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
