I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
