Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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