she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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