Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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