i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
