i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
