I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
