and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
