I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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