ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
