Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
