I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
