We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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