no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
