Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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