First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
