I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
