i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
