like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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