did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
