The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
