She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
