Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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