And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
