I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
