What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
