things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
