My nipple is on Facebook.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
