so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
