I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
