I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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