I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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