my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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