this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
