smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
