Yo dont text me then not text me
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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