guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
