"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
