His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
