so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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