Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize