I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
