my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
