Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
