he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
