If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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