Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
high people should be assigned attendants
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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