A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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