Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
