dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
