while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize