Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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