@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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