Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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