I wish I could teleport
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
did you just send me my own nude
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
