Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
