I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
