I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
