We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
