He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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