why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
