im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
