nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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