the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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