You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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